We set up an LGBTQ+ ‘Death Café’ in Manchester’s Gay Village - people need to talk on World Mental Health Day

Davide Erbogasto and Anna Jonker held their first one at The Molly House just off Canal Street last week. The event was part of a worldwide not-for-profit franchise of Death Cafés, offering people the space to talk openly about death and grief.

Originally from Italy, Davide moved to the UK 11 years ago, and noticed the resistance that British people have to talking about death.

“I wanted to create something that was specifically for queer people because I feel that there is a lot of trauma in the community,” said Davide, who identifies as gay.

Following his own experiences of bereavement, the 36-year-old set up a Death Café in Withington last year, before organising last week’s LGBTQ+ Death Café event in Manchester alongside Anna and another friend.

Anna, 24, said: “I think it’s very important because there is a lot of trauma in the community, especially from the AIDS crisis or from queer people being kicked out of their families. If you’re not part of your family anymore, for example, but someone who played such a formative part in your upbringing dies, then how do you process that? You might not get the chance to grieve in the way that other people do.”

Davide also emphasised how LGBTQ+ people might grieve differently due to family rejection, not being able to attend their partner’s funeral or having to plan their own death knowing their family might not be there.

He said: “Grief is still universal, but it might just feel more comfortable [to be in an LGBTQ+ space].”

October 10 is World Mental Health Day with Death Cafes seen as one vehicle to help people manage their mental wellbeing. In all, there have been 19,116 official Death Cafés held across 92 countries since the franchise was set up in 2011.

Davide said: “We just need to create an environment that’s safe, that’s comfortable, that’s receptive, and understanding. And that’s the point of the Death Cafés. As long as just one person walks away thinking ‘I feel better’, then we’ve reached our goal.”

Being part of a Death Café has helped both organisers come to terms with death and grief themselves.

“I had a couple of bereavements after the pandemic and when they happened, I felt like I was accepting them a little bit more,” said Davide. “Grief is always individual, but I feel like the previous Death Cafés helped me a lot.”

Anna said: “It has been quite transformative for me because I was really scared of death, and it’s always been my worst fear to lose someone close to me. Now, I’ve got a much more optimistic view overall.”

Their first LGBTQ+ Death Café was a success, and although there is no concrete date for their next event, it is something they are looking to hold again in the future. Until then, Davide is continuing to hold Withington Death Café events, with his next one at Withington Methodist Church on November 7.